Good Enough.

Lately, I’ve really been struggling with the idea that I’m not good enough, no matter how hard I try. A couple of days ago I wrote a letter to my brother who identifies as transgender and as far as I know, he doesn’t believe in God. I guess it’s not necessarily that he doesn’t believe in God, but he doesn’t have faith in Him and sort of rejects Him.

I wrote him a letter because I think that he thinks that I don’t love him or want to be around him because he’s transgender, and that I condemn him because of it, which isn’t true at all. I love my brother deeply and I just want him to know that he is still good and capable of being loved, and in fact, he still is loved.

In this letter I quoted the book of Genesis when it said, “God looked at every thing that he had made and found it very good.” I then continued to tell my brother that I said that because when God created him as male, God saw that it was good, and that he was made that way for a reason.

I feel so ridiculous for saying these things to my brother when I struggle with self-esteem and the thought that I’m not good enough. But that part of scripture in Genesis really speaks to me : I am good. God made me, and he made me good. I am enough. Even when I feel that I’m not enough: not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, I am still enough for our Lord and Creator, and that brings me comfort.

It reminds me of the movie The Chronicles of Narnia The Voyage of the Dawn Treader when Lucy wants to be looked at as beautiful like her sister Susan. And she practically wants to be Susan, but Aslan comes to her and says that by wanting to look like her sister and practically be her sister that she is wishing herself away and he says , “You doubt your value. Don’t run from who you are.”

That’s my problem and I’m going to also say that it’s my brother’s problem. We doubt our value and we’re running from who we are supposed to be. I run towards Christ, but even though I know he sees me as being good enough, I don’t accept that, because I want to be accepted by every one else, when in reality that doesn’t even matter. Jesus Himself says, “If they hate you, know that they hated me first.”

My brother on the other hand, seems to run as fast as he can away from Christ and wants to be like everyone else, he too wants to be accepted by the world and wants to be someone other than the one God created him to be.

To sum it all up, Christ accepts you, Christ wills your existence and loves you unconditionally, and in the end, that is all that matters.

Advertisements

Matthew 25:40

One day I was driving around Quincy ( a town nearby to mine). At that period of time for at least a month up until then, I had been experiencing a feeling of emptiness inside. At that time I didn’t understand why I felt that way, because life was going great, and I had a great relationship with Christ.

As I was driving down Maine Street, the song, “Do Something” by Matthew West came on:

I woke up this morning, saw a world full of trouble now. Thought how’d we ever get so far down? How’s it ever gonna turn around? So I turned my eyes to Heaven and thought, “God, why don’t you do something?” Well, I just couldn’t bear the thought of people living in poverty. Children sold into slavery. The thought disgusted me. So I shook my fist at Heaven said, “God, why don’t you do something?”

He said, “I did, I created you.”

Right as that last lyric played, I was passing Catholic Charities.

I felt God telling me, “There. That will fill your emptiness. That will show you your purpose. Go and serve me through others. Be a light of my love for them.”

I felt God nudging me to go into that building and volunteer, so that’s exactly what I did.

After that day, I stopped going for a while, but a passage from Matthew kept popping into my head:

“For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you made me welcome, lacking clothes and you clothed me, sick and you visited me, in prison and you came to see me.”

The upright will say to him in reply, “Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and make you welcome, lacking clothes and clothe you?”

And the King will answer, “In truth I tell you, when you did this for one of the least of my brothers, you did this for me.” (Matthew 25:35-40)

When that verse popped into my head, things started to click into place better. He wanted me to serve Him through others, so I started volunteering again.

One day in particular, there was a woman with what I assume was her granddaughter, who was probably only 3 years old. When I saw this little girl, I knew that what I was doing was important, I felt like I was needed, and I had found purpose in my life. In this 3 year old, I could see the child Jesus. This really opened my eyes and made me want to do more for these people, and their children.

The Baltimore Catechism says that man was made to know God, to love God, and to serve God. I knew God, and I definitely loved God, but I forgot I was supposed to serve Him too. I knew God was telling me to serve Him by serving the less fortunate around me. When I realized this I immediately started volunteering again. I have gained such a deep love for the poor. I have such a desire to tell them about Christ, and His love for them. And I pray that through my service to them, that they can see that.

There are people out there that are struggling. Really struggling. Our brothers and sisters are struggling to provide and feed their families. I see it every day. In the people I see, I know that we should be offering them more. Not more food, but more knowledge. More love, more compassion, a listening ear. We should be telling them about how Christ and His Church has influenced and transformed our lives, and how He loves us so.How even in the midst of struggle, of suffering, of hardships, He is there reaching out to us. He has such a deep love for us, and wants nothing but our love in return.

We need to be missionaries of the Gospel. I’m not saying that you need to go on a mission to some 3rd world country to do this. I’m saying that you can be a missionary, you can be an example of  Christ to the person down the street, next door, or even a random person on the street, you can tell them about HIm. Nothing brings me more joy than talking about Christ and His Church and what I’ve learned. I want to share that with others, so they know how truly good He is, and so they can come to love Him the way I do.

Please pray that I have the courage to tell more people about Christ and His love, and that I may continue to try to be a light in this dark world.

You’re in my prayers as well.

Pax Christi ❤